Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
