Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
