Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
