i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
