Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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