Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
me + whiskey = a bad person
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
