And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
