Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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