i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
