i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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