I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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