Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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