I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Me too!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
