So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
