he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
