i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
