'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
