I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Randomize
