She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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