1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
