I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
