Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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