You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize