is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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