you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
