Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
