dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
