I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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