he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
