Just fell off a train. Bad.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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