I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
