Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize