Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
