I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
