So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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