As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
