OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
