Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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