Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
