like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i drank out of a bidet.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
