If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
