Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
