Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
As shirtless as possible
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
