Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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