Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
