Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
