We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
