what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
