Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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