Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
