So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
