How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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