highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
