Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
