i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
