and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize