I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
