the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize