I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize