"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
