I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
