The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
A+ Viking dick
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
