Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
