a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize