New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
