Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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