I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
