Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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