Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
