I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
