I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
